I did not board as a pupil, although I always wanted to – probably much to my parents’ confusion at the time. Yet now, having lived and worked in boarding for seven years, I find myself recommending it wholeheartedly.
So how can I speak with confidence about boarding life if I was never a boarder myself? Because, in many ways, I have come to realise that I am one.
Those of us who live and work in boarding houses share our daily lives with a group of people who often begin as strangers and gradually become trusted colleagues and when we are fortunate, genuine friends. We live alongside one another through long days and short nights, seeing each other at our best and at our most tired, in professional dress and in our most unglamorous pyjamas. Like the pupils in our care, we learn how to live together.
Like the pupils in our care, we learn how to live together.
Boarding is often spoken about in terms of outcomes: independence, resilience, confidence. These are all real and important, but they can sometimes obscure one of boarding’s most fundamental lessons – how to live well with other people. This learning is not confined to pupils alone; it is shared by everyone in the house.
It is easy to expect new joiners to fall quickly into the rhythms of boarding life, particularly when we know how naturally this tends to happen for most pupils over time. Yet doing so risks overlooking the uncertainty that accompanies any new beginning. Many of us can recall the nervous thoughts that surface when joining a new school, a new team, or even returning at the start of term. Reflecting on these experiences allows us to approach pupils’ transitions with greater empathy.
We often ask girls to arrive already knowing how to live with others, despite the fact that they may be coming from different schools, cultures, or countries. Each brings with her a richness of experience and perspective, but part of our role is to guide them in how best to share this within a communal setting: learning when to speak, when to listen, and how to make space for one another.
I am fortunate to lead a boarding house with a deputy and three boarding assistants. Each joins at a different stage of life – some before university, some straight after, and others as part of a career change or personal development. Their previous experience with boarding varies too: some have lived it themselves, while for others it is entirely new.
Our team is as diverse as the girls in our care.
Our team is as diverse as the girls in our care. We recruit staff from across the world, creating the same rich mix of cultures and perspectives that our pupils experience. Each of us brings different cultural perspectives, life experiences, and approaches to problem solving, just as the girls do, and we learn as much from one another as we hope they learn from us. Living and working closely in this way requires patience, empathy, and flexibility, and it reminds us that the lessons we ask of pupils are lessons we practise ourselves.
Living and working alongside colleagues in a boarding house is an education in itself. Beyond shared meal times, overlapping shifts, and the emotional labour of caring for our pupils, we see one another at our best and inevitably at our most tired or irritable. There is a blurred line between professional and personal when you live and work in the same building, and this closeness requires patience, empathy, and generosity.
Across the four boarding houses at Queenswood, eleven staff make up our extended team. My husband and I each run separate houses within the same building, mine with a deputy and three boarding assistants, and his with himself and a boarding assistant. The difference in team sizes, the variety of pressures we face, and the shared environment all mean that no two days are the same. Yet we also choose to socialise together outside work, reinforcing the trust and mutual understanding that makes the day-to-day demands manageable.
It is easy, particularly at the start of term, to expect colleagues to fall immediately into the rhythms of the house. September arrives with all its fanfare, and we rely on the strength of the team, sometimes forgetting that some members are brand new to this life. Yet even in the early days, everyone’s strengths shine through; in quiet moments of initiative, in gentle support and in the humour that carries us through long shifts.
Living this closely with others teaches lessons that extend far beyond the professional.
Living this closely with others teaches lessons that extend far beyond the professional. We learn when to step in, when to step back, and how to offer support without judgement. These lessons apply not only to colleagues, but to pupils, and, if we are honest, to ourselves. They are at the heart of what makes people want to stay: retention is not simply about contracts or pay, but about culture. People remain where they feel understood, valued, and part of something larger than themselves.
In the end, boarding life is as much about living together as it is about study, routines, or independence. The lessons of empathy, patience, and generosity are learned quietly, day by day, across corridors, shared meals, and late-night conversations. By modelling these lessons ourselves, we create an environment where pupils and staff alike can grow, belong, and thrive.
Megan Boyce – Housemistress of Mymwood – Queenswood School
Categories: Blog
